Why I Walked Away from My Director Role
I was at the peak of my career. I wasn't happier.
Earlier this year, I was a director of engineering at a prominent tech company. Leading core teams. Building AI adoption strategy. Aligning priorities across orgs.
The work was challenging, complex, and fulfilling.
When you push through a promotion for someone who deserves it, when a strategy you fought for finally lands and the business metrics move — you feel it deeply.
The pay is decent. You earn respect naturally. You feel privileged in your social circle.
That’s what kept me going for years.
But there was something else growing alongside the fulfillment — something I didn’t name at the time. Something I only noticed once I slowed down.
The Higher You Go, the Quieter the Room Gets
In calibration, I couldn’t fight too hard for my team. I had to wear the director hat and raise the bar at the same time.
The reorgs — it’s never just one. The business pivots, and it pivots fast. Your team thinks you wanted the change. You didn’t. But that doesn’t matter. What matters is how you deliver the message so it lands. So people understand the why. So the business can keep going.
And somewhere along the way, the relationships change.
Tradeoffs, priorities, headcount, performance. Fewer about how people are actually doing.
The human side fades. The business always weighs more.
And then you go home, and absorb it. You tell yourself this is part of the job.
Because it is.
The Questions I Didn’t Make Time For
Every time I made a career transition, I reshaped myself.
IC to tech lead — I stopped focusing on code and started owning systems.
Tech lead to manager — I stopped building systems and started building people.
But this time felt different.
It wasn’t that I had grown — it was that I had left too much behind.
The building. The relationships. The parts of the work that made me feel like myself.
And despite the accomplishments, I wasn’t happier.
So I had to ask myself:
What would have to change for me to feel like myself again?
What I Finally Heard
The answer was simpler than I expected.
More control over how I spend my time.
Somewhere along the way, my days stopped feeling like me.
So I walked away.
What I Found on the Other Side
Now I’m building again — not just organizations, but products, relationships, ideas.
I coach leaders. I’m building at an early-stage startup. I write.
There are new challenges every day. Some of it doesn’t come naturally, like putting myself out there as an Asian female engineer.
I work longer hours than before. But I’m happier.
It must show, because the other day my husband said:
“It’s been a long time since I saw you work so hard, but so happy at the same time.”
He was right.
If something in this resonated with you, I’d love to hear your story.